I have long blonde hair and I’ve kind of been stuck inside for FOREVER, so I might be thinking like Tangled’s Rapunzel. As in, there are horrible, cruel, invasive villains in my beloved books that deserve to be smacked with a frying pan. But we’re upgrading from a frying pan to a full-on waffle iron.
In so many of our books, there are larger forces and insidious concepts that are the villains. Take They Went Left for example—who doesn’t want to smack ALL of the Nazis with ALL the waffle irons? The systemic racism Stamped teaches us about? SMASH THAT with a waffle iron.
Apocalyptic viruses in Agnes and the End of the World (and in our world)? SMACK with a waffle iron.Keep reading for some other villains that deserve a swift whack with some heavy-duty kitchen equipment.
Welcome to The Dead House. Three students: dead. Carly Johnson: vanished without a trace. After a massive fire sweeps through Elmbridge High, the main suspect is Kaitlyn. Except Kaitlyn is the alter-ego of Carly. Carly gets the daytime, Kaitlyn gets the night. As sinister details emerge, and the mystery around The Dead House unravels…let’s just say I slept with the lights on. And you’ll want that waffle iron to protect you from whatever lurks within the walls.
The Frost King: Talk about a frozen heart! The tyrannical Frost King leads the cruel ruling class of Frostbloods, but Fireblood Ruby is out for revenge. Little does Ruby know that even if she defeats the Frost King, there is something even more sinister lying in wait. Hang onto that waffle iron! (Plus Frost Kings must hate hot waffles, right?)
Minya: The never-aging, always-sociopathic godspawn Minya. Not only does she inflict pain and complete humiliation, but she delights in it. She deserves a waffle iron regardless, but you’d also be good to have a few more pots and pans lined up—you need it to protect yourself from her dangerous, soul-crushing manipulation.
The Gray: There is something especially creepy about the unknown. About a monster that lives in a strange dimension that consumes and destroys victims at an increasing pace. NO THANK YOU. Even if I don’t know exactly what I’m swinging at, I’M PREPARED ok?
Do I want to hit Cardan with a waffle iron? Sometimes. Would I apologize later? Depends what form we’re talking here... [Spoiler alert!]. Definitely depends on the moment. Did I want to hit myself with the waffle iron for repeatedly falling for Holly Black’s delightfully evil plot twists? Also, yes.