If You Do Nine or More of These Things, You're a True Book Lover

We’re all book lovers here, right? Sure, but I think we can all recognize that there are book-love levels. There are those amongst us who love books but are only looking for something casual. Something low-key that fits in with their busy schedule, and a small bookshelf filled with a smattering of favorites, no more, no less. Then there are those amongst us on the opposite end of the spectrum. They will never be happy until their houses look like they took a bookstore and added an oven, a bed, and a toilet and most of their sentences begin with, “In this book I read.”

Are you a casual connoisseur or straight up obsessed? Are you and books keeping things simple and fun, or are you and books ride-or-die, Edward-and-Bella meant to be? Well, let’s discover where on the spectrum your book love is. (Just, btw, I got 23. So I’ll be very impressed if you beat me.)

  1. Carry a book everywhere you go, just in case.

  2. When people don’t know what to get you, they just give you a bookstore gift card.

  3. Maxed out the number of holds you’re allowed at your library.

  4. When you’re at the bookstore, you pull three hundred books off the shelves and then have to do your own version of book sudden death to decide which you’re going to buy.

  5. Have gotten in trouble in class for reading a book.

  6. Have been asked if all your books are “for show” or if you’ve actually read them.

  7. If the salespeople at your local bookstore know you by name.

  8. Have reread a book so often it is literally falling apart.

  9. If you’ve finished off a section of your library.

  10. Have ever won a Goodreads giveaway (GIVE ME YOUR SECRETS).

  11. Have a TBR so large, it can serve as a bedside table. (I have done this; would not recommend.)

  12. Have missed a bus stop because you were too engrossed in a book.

  13. Have canceled plans because, tbh, your book is cooler than your friends anyway.

  14. Made fan-art of your favorite book characters.

  15. Have a special seating nook designed for optimal reading conditions.

  16. Reorganize your bookshelves on the daily.

  17. Have a shrine/shrines to your favorite author/series.

  18. People are beginning to suspect you have a hoarding problem, based upon the number of books you own.

  19. Have written an extensive fan-fiction universe combining your two favorite series.

  20. Have accidentally stayed up until 5AM reading a book.

  21. Have multiple copies of the same book because each edition is special in its own way.

  22. Have gotten unreasonable upset when your favorite bookmark is bent.

  23. Have waited in line for two hours to get your book signed by the author and babbled incessantly about your love for them as they listened oh-so-patiently, only to look back on the interaction with a mixture of pride for being brave enough to talk and embarrassment over what you said.

  24. Have brought books to sleepovers, waited until your friends have fallen asleep, and then finished off your book under the covers using your flashlight.

  25. Have bought a new bookshelf, for it to be immediately filled with books.

  26. If you’ve been called “too much” at the book club meeting.

  27. Have lectured your little brother for a solid twenty-five minutes on the pitfalls of dog-earing pages.

  28. Have gotten into friendship-testing fights because you and a friend had the same book SO. (It’s okay, you can share. They’re fictional anyway.)

  29. Have bought the hardcover for the looks and the paperback to annotate and analyze, complete with highlighted sections and a color-coordinated sticky-note system.

  30. Have had discussions with younger siblings on the correct care and handling of prized books while borrowing.

  31. Have been so anal about the care of your books, that friends and family will borrow from the library or buy their own copy rather than read one of your books at the risk of incurring your wrath.

  32. Have attempted a blood sacrifice in the hopes you can wish for the final book the series to come out sooner.

  33. Keep books in a hermetically-sealed glass box to preserve those pristine jackets.

  34. Use only specific book-handling gloves to protect the delicate pages from your filthy hand oils.

  35. Have a favorite book that you will not even allow guests to glance upon, for fear they shall tarnish its beautiful paper majesty. You only view it when you are alone in your house. You keep it in a closet, in which you scrunch yourself up in the dark to pet the cover while whispering “my precious, my precious.”

Savannah KennellyComment